Monday, April 23, 2007
Short Story
For my short story I plan to write about a homeless guy and how he got that way. I came with the idea by listening to my friend talk about how she gave $5 to a homeless guy when she was drunk. After thinking about the homeless guy I tried to think about how he got that way, so I was thinking a midlife crisis might be appropriate.
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Alrighty, so I really enjoyed your story and the concept behind the idea - the downfall of a successful family man to a homeless crack-addict. I also really liked the fact that you wrote the story in first-person. That gives it a more personal tone. First, I just have to say to watch out for little grammatical errors, mainly punctuation separating a series of adjectives before a noun. But that's ok; I could still follow your story clearly.
I felt like you wanted to have two or three main characters - the homeless man, Joe, and Katie - but only one character really stood out. Of course the story is about the homeless man, and it's told in first-person, but I think Joe and Katie played a large role in his spiraling down, series of events, so they could have interacted with the main character a little more. Overall I thought that your characters were believable. However, I think Katie would have been a little more sympathetic, especially since they have a child together, but this assignment was only a four-page story, so I guess you couldn't get too much into it.
The tone that I was able to derive from you story was a sort of sad, depressing tone. Although the language that you chose doesn't suggest a sad tone, the context of your story does. There is hardly any dialogue in the story. I don't know if massive passages of dialogue are neccessary, but I think more dialogue would be essential to understanding the first time he smoked crack and why. Although I could follow the succession of your story, I had a hard time picturing the scenes. More descriptive passages detailing colors, textures, and smells would have helped greatly.
All-in-all this was a good story.
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